OK so in this video or you might call us on a feature I am going to do my very very best to unpack the
spider web of core values and show you how it is that they are all completely intrinsically linked.
And I want you to understand by the end of this this presentation how it is that and the opportunity
costs principle very much comes into play when it comes to us prioritizing our core values in a way
just to think back to the story of Margaret's Bard.
I know you must have resonated with that story and must resonate with you on some level.
And why.
Because it does resonates with all of us.
It's a decision that we all must make every single day.
Are we going to choose security stability that which we know or are we going to choose.
Uncertainty and the risk walks hand-in-hand with personal freedom.
Have you ever seriously wondered why it is.
Some people spend their entire lives going round and round in circles.
We have a there that a few reasons for this haven't we.
And where people became become secure and grounded in their present state.
Yes they have an ideal state.
They know where they want to be but because they get so darn comfortable where they're at and they just
see taking the steps that are going to get them from where they're out to where they want to be.
It's been too difficult to take so and in life we all want to move forward don't we.
We all want to grow.
We all want to progress.
Enough as life coaches if we are not facilitating growth and progress in the context of our clients
lives and we really aren't servicing them.
So yes you may call yourself a life coach by the end of this video or the end of this course.
But once you are actively playing a role in help people move forward in life you could call yourself
a progress facilitator or something like birth.
If you really wanted to.
All right.
So let's have a look at core values.
Let's have a look at how they all work and operate in our lives and how they influence our decision
making process.
It is crucial that you understand this before you start working with clients.
Why.
Because it's gonna be this mess on the board right in front of you.
All right that is gonna get in the way and sabotage your clients best intentions.
Are you with me.
So I've shared with you the story of Margaret Bartz and most likely as I've mentioned resonate with
you on some level.
But let us hear.
No.
Allow me to show you how it is that our man who practices what he preaches.
All right.
I value integrity in life.
All right.
So I don't like those people who talk a better game than they play.
I'm not talking about playing a perfect game but it is good to be a person of integrity in life isn't
it.
If we are going to be coaching people in life for example of course is going to be good that we are
actually practicing the principles that we are preaching.
Otherwise we would just be hypocrites.
So going back to 2000 and twelve I had been residing in Scotland for around about two years.
Now I was right in the middle of my studies.
I think it was on a six month gap and I'd been study in full time alongside a load of other part time
courses I was studying psychology and counselling and an LP and the social sciences and I decided to
stop my studies for it for a season for the purpose of going and making some money.
All right.
I wanted to make some money so that I could buy myself a car get a house get myself re-established on
some level in life.
So I went back to doing what I'd done best and back then I got into car sales.
No.
Believe it or not I have a bit of a history in car sales especially after leaving the military.
It was something that I was always able to do with relative natural ease.
So in Scotland I figured right I'm just going to go back to doing what I do best I'll sell some cars
make some money get out and then get back to my studies so I can get back into the world and make this
difference that I really claim I want to make.
So cut the story short I started working with this company I think it was in the maybe the April or
May time of that year and very very quickly I realized that the culture of this company was one of greed.
It was just a disgusting environment to work in a bunch of guys who were just money hungry.
No sales meetings that would happen with our manager every single morning they would jump around and
talk about how much money they're making and how much money they want to make this year and there are
more paid by money and the problem that I had was I wasn't motivated by money I was more motivated by
making a difference.
So I would have said but in fairness the environment that I put myself in was in alignment with all
these other guys who just wanted to make money.
So of course they naturally assumed that my goal was to make money as well although my approach was
just short term.
Who knows their approach might have been short term as well but anyway what became a heart was the underlying
culture in the company was one of control and manipulation.
There was a lot of billion going on and because I was a little bit different and one of the managers
took a bit of a dislike to me.
And in fairness I don't think it was a personal thing.
I think he just was one of these typical angry Scottish gays who just dislikes everyone in the world
angry at life in general there what this manager would do every couple of months he would have these
one and one managers meetings and there were really meetings there were more like interrogations so
he would pull in all of the car sales guys and sit them down in front of them and he'd have like a folder
in front of him for the paperwork and he would talk about the last months results.
The last month's sales.
No I don't have a problem because I was pretty much top salesman month in one vote but here he was no
Mr Hall sitting in front of me and he said Sir Ken I'm not sure like your attitude.
I'm not sure you even really want to be here.
How bout you give me five good reasons why I should let you keep your job and that was it.
No.
To be honest with you I'd already reached the stage where I hated the company culture.
I didn't even enjoy the work.
It was just governed by greed and this was really going against my values.
No.
All right.
Yes I wanted some money I wanted to put some food on the table and keep a roof over my head and all
of these practicalities but at what cost.
All right.
Every single morning I would wake up just dreading the thought of going in on a night time I think oh
my goodness back to work tomorrow.
And it was like my life had just become an existence.
And Sunday's I was just exhausted work six days a week just came Sundays off which I would do nothing.
I had no friends outside of work nothing whatsoever.
I craved all these other things connection and excitement and I had none of it but I had some job security
and I knew that all I needed to do was keep on selling cars and I would've made some money and I would
have been fine.
This is what most people do in life right.
And he said okay and five reasons why I should let you keep your job and me being a man of integrity
and transparency and I wanted to be authentic.
I said you know what Mr. Hall.
I don't even want to be here I hate this job.
I hate the cold the company culture.
You are a complete arsehole.
You're not even a manager.
What manager school did you go to.
All right.
You don't have an ounce of decent management in here.
I'm only here right.
No I had a few other personal circumstances going on in the background so I might have overreacted to
the question just a little bit but the theories at least it was honest I didn't want to be there anymore.
Yes I could have chosen security but what I was Craven was I was craven a little bit of freedom.
I was craven a little bit of excitement.
I was I was choosing to remain in this dead end job that I absolutely despised but I was too in it because
I was choosing it because it gave me a little bit of security.
No Mr. Hall's tune very quickly changed because I was his top salesman.
Oh kinky.
Listen you know I just ask all the guys this question.
Nothing personal mate nothing personal.
Let's talk about.
How about you should take some time off and give you the company car and a fuel card fill pay.
Then you'll come back in a few weeks and we can just carry on as if nothing ever happened on a set off.
Thanks very much Tom.
Yes we'll just stay.
I'll take a few weeks off.
I'm feeling a little bit stressed at the moment.
I'll need to go and give a future some serious consideration so I took the company car and took my money
and took the fuel car.
What if a driver in Scotland handed it back never went back to the dump.
All right.
And in that time in my life I guess that's probably where I learned this lesson on such a profound level
that you know if we want more and our lives or what we currently half with sometimes got to get pretty
good at being comfortable in the midst of being uncomfortable you know.
Have you ever become comfortable with being uncomfortable before.
Most people see being uncomfortable as a bad thing.
I actually see being uncomfortable as quite an exciting thing.
All right.
When we're outside of the comfort zone sometimes even outside of the safety zone because this is kind
of where growth happens in life isn't it.
Oh look at this little word I've got behind me here.
All right.
Growth happens somewhere in the gap between stepping over security and pursuing freedom.
No.
Why are you taking this course right now.
Are you taking this course because you want some job security.
Because I guarantee you one thing my friend there ain't no job security as a life coach.
All right it's not like those organizations employ in life coaches these days saw the certificates in
the world or the accreditation isn't going to mean Zepp to anyone and I'm spelling this out here right
now.
All right.
The only thing he's going to be important to anyone especially a future clients after this course is
over is are you competent.
Do you practice what you preach.
Can you deliver outcomes and results.
Can you facilitate progress in other people's lives.
Because that's going to be what they want.
All right.
So what I'm saying is is that all growth happens outside of the comfort zone and security is just kind
of the comfort zone.
That's kind of all that ever really is.
So let's look at what freedom actually is and let's look at how we actually get there in life.
Well if we want freedom in life all freedom is is our willingness to exercise our free will right.
How we choose to respond and react to the circumstances and the situations that we find ourselves in
in life is done unto us.
Now some people are going to be of the mindset and the outlook on life is I can't do this.
I must stay in the dead end job that I absolutely hate for the next 40 years to keep food on the table
and pay my mortgage.
My goodness sounds a bit more like slavery to me and slavery sure as hell isn't freedom.
All right.
So how do we get freedom.
Well I'm guessing that if we want to experience more freedom in life and grow along the way we've got
to get good a stepping outside of the comfort zone.
And we've got to get good at taking some risks.
No one would suggest.
Believe it or not ironic as it sounds the risk is actually a core human value.
All right.
No.
And how could this possibly be the case.
CAIN I hear you ask.
Well let's look at what walks in hand with risk.
Risk tend to tends to walk hand-in-hand with uncertainty and it's only when we take risks and step outside
of the comfort zone that we ever tend to realize and come to appreciate that which we're actually capable
of in life.
All right.
So yes granted I studied caution for years and studied this psychology is it studied counseling and
neuro linguistic programming but fundamentally understood myself I was self aware I was managing myself
Well but see before I actually started working with clients did I feel confident enough to start working
with clients.
The answer is no way easy.
I did not.
Why.
Because I hadn't taken the risk I hadn't stepped into the midst of uncertainty and made myself available
for working with clients.
Yes I would perhaps share a few insights here and share a few insights there and me I found it very
very easy to plug into various social groups and just you know help people freely but actually set up
a practice and then when I later went to establish a social enterprise a charity initiative and this
really pushed me and stretched me to get outside the comfort zone and grow but to be honest with you
I find it exciting.
Right now I don't know about you but for me if I don't have any excitement or anything new happening
in my life I get really agitated.
I get bored.
I get fed up.
I find it really hard to focus or get enthused about things.
I find it very very difficult to get enthused about the mundane.
For me I need this is a core value I need to have excitement or change or growth or new or risk or uncertainty
in some area of my life.
Why.
Because I cannot live life without pushing myself to grow.
I need to be stretching myself in some areas.
No.
Many people in life get stuck and get focused on where they are.
And yeah we can get comfortable the right but comfort and security is very rarely fulfilling.
All right.
Some people confuse comfort with fulfillment comfort and fulfillment of two very very different things.
I'm gonna boldly suggest that fulfillment is also a value that really it's only ever those people who
experience who have experience of film and in life who who understands that we cannot live life without
so many people who've never experienced fulfillment are generally those who have never left the low
security bubble right.
It's only when we step outside the bubble take risks embrace uncertainty pursue freedom and ultimately
grow through the process that we ever feel fulfilled with ourselves in life right.
Doing this course right now.
Yes granted I've reproduced this course a couple of times in the past.
But you know once a once I've finished filming a video I tend to watch it back and once I've watched
it back or see my goodness that's the best I've ever communicated that fantastic.
This is great and I feel really fulfilled because I can compare myself today to how it was two years
ago or four years ago and I say my goodness I have made progress.
I have grown I am better now than what it was back then and I find this fulfilling.
But I also find it exciting.
All right pushing myself to see exactly what I am capable of.
What I wanted to hear.
I wanted to bring in a really interesting word faith and we've talked about this a couple of times throughout
the course so far I'm not talking about you know hallelujah type of Faith we're talking about are you
a person of faith right.
What are you in faith for not talking about.
Do you have faith because people are going to say yes I have faith I believe in the Lord Almighty.
No we're not talking about whether you believe in the Lord Almighty we're talking about are you a person
of faith.
Does faith walk hand-in-hand with your actions do you take action.
Do you action your faith.
Because if you don't act in your faith in your faith is absolutely irrelevant.
It's just a nice idea.
All right.
And if you don't believe me go and check out some and some church congregations here in Scotland people
who've been you know sitting in church services for for perhaps decades praying and waiting for God
to transform their nation whilst sitting on their dopey is doing very little about it.
All right.
And in the same way you can have the greatest hopes and expectations and visions and dreams for your
future.
But if you do not step outside of the safety security comfort zone or I take a risk embrace uncertainty
in the faith for a bigger brighter future then you're never going to progress you're never going to
experience the freedom and liberation that you all never find in life when Faith and Action are walking
her hand that you catch that one.
Is this even making sense.
No I think I mentioned right back at the start of this video that this isn't just one of these ideas
you can just sit rigidly and take notes on.
You got to experience the stuff you've got to see it.
You got to look at how these values are alive in your life.
All right.
I can't call you and teach you how to teach people values don't work like that.
Instead all I can really do share with you my experience is to show you how it is that I how I work
mine share with you and a really interesting story.
Let's come back to security here just for a short while.
No.
And when I left the military I spent around about three years living in a town or city called Carlisle
in the north of England.
No to be honest I'd say hey I live in there.
I was just about five miles over there over the Scottish border.
So actually pretty much as far north of England as what you can go there for all the years that I lived
there believe it or north for a city just literally the closest city in England to Scotland.
What a bunch of racist people they wear.
Honestly in all the amount of fun and jibes and jokes my heart directed towards me for being Scottish
hoots man I knew well as you are killed we Jenny lads you know all you Blasi haggis up there where's
your haggis and all that kind of stuff.
My goodness.
I've heard all.
All right.
You should get called Hamish down there.
That was my nickname for some reason.
Don't know why.
All right my name is Caine Estelle.
I used to have a friend who writes a friend who used to play snooker with regularly.
Most most weeks and he had a friend and a friend of his was actually our lady friend not a girlfriend
romance variety but just a you know a lady young young lady that he that he knew and he he was he felt
really bad because he worked alongside of her.
And most weeks and a Monday or every couple of weeks she would come into work with like a bruise on
her face or something like this.
And I said well what's what's happenin like you know her and she's relationship in this relationship
and no no ones.
No no one knows but it seems like like she's getting beaten on by by our by our boyfriend.
And she was quite a kind of small you know petite little thing and you know he was quite a quite a big
guy.
And when I wasn't there I knew him.
But it did Northam think he was in the local cage fight in rings and or that sort of thing.
So anyway there was one way I think I've been to the cinema something like that.
And I was driving through one part of the city.
And at the corner of my eyes I was driving down the road.
I just happened to see this young lady in question and her boyfriend.
And he was quite a quite a big guy.
And it was like that you know perhaps you know for dinner and drinks or something like that and he looked
a little bit worse for wear and like it perhaps had one or two drinks too many.
And just as it was about to drive past him he just turned round and absolutely belted her.
And to be honest with you I'd never seen anything like this before I was kind of like oh my goodness
is that like two stage actors here.
That was actually half pinned a fully grown big man just belted this young woman you know he's in a
relationship worth no.
I was driving on the main road so it wasn't appropriate for me just to stop the car.
I thought oh my goodness I must intervene here.
All right this just this kind of goes against my values.
That's just not okay.
All right it's just it's not okay for.
For a man to be a woman who is not okay for a woman to be a man either by the way and you know just
in a slightly if you're in a relationship like this you know someone who's in a relationship ship like
this.
Get out.
All right.
There's no room for violence in any relationship.
Not okay.
But as the story went I'd kind of driven round the corner to park the car and I still had them in sight.
And two of the guys they'd been walking up the road behind them and they must've thought they'd obviously
seen exactly the same as what I had.
And the two guys had kind of gone up to this.
This boyfriend this man friend and they both grabbed him and pulled him off her and she was pretty much
lying down on the ground and see a blood coming out of our nose and all this kind of thing.
And.
And before you knew it all right.
I was just I chose not to get over the car.
I was just kind of watch it on no.
I thought there's no point in you know the whole world getting involved in this but next thing.
And she took off one of her shoes and started beating on the two guys who were holding off her boyfriend
M stopping him from beating on her.
I thought my goodness this is a bit of a warped little triangle going on going on here and Emma thought
my goodness she's just as bad as him and she's beaten up those two guys who are holding him back from
beating up ha.
I wonder what she's valuing and prioritizing right now.
Have you ever heard the saying better the devil you know than the devil you don't.
Right.
This is again coming back to security.
It's not like people want to be in abusive relationships or you know and places of work that they absolutely
despise.
But some people just literally can't get past this comfort zone.
So.